05.03.02

I recieved a lot of calls and emails inquiring about yesterday's journal entry. The beauty of having a journal is that it allows me to just let thoughts flow from my head to my fingertips, and just type whatever is on my mind. I didn't mean to alarm anyone, nor did I mean to evoke sympathy or advice. But I am very thankful to everyone who called or wrote in. Your thoughts are heartfelt. =)
My over-zealousness to be a good mother and the anxiety that came with it was quickly calmed by several emails send from fellow first-time mothers, as well as getting a phone call from my own mother. It is a great relief to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. Much love to Karen whose email was both comforting and inspiring. THANKS!
As for the loneliness...well, I'm still feeling it and probably will for a while. Because this is something that can't be solved in a day, it'll just take a bit of time for me to come to terms with my feelings.

I must've sounded like a complete schizo though. When asked if I was okay, I automatically answered, "yeah, I'm fine". The truth of the matter is...I wasn't prepared to talk about my feelings much. My apologies to some who called to "pick my brain" only to have me divert the conversation to another topic. It's not like I would ever unleash on them. A part of my personality is that I hide behind a fascade (not to be mistaken for being fake). Do you know what I'm talking about? Okay...for example...in the past, if a boyfriend and I got into a tiff prior to attending a social event, I'm the type of person to put the tiff aside for later. Usually the boyfriend would spend the entire evening with a sour face, causing others to feel uneasy. I really hate that and I would avoid it happening as much as possible. To me, there's a time and place for everything. Only the people REALLY special people gets the honor of being burdened, abused, and made uncomfortable. =P hehehe

Aside from the morning phone calls, today was a usual Friday. Anne came over and we watched a taped episode of "Friends" that I missed. We hung out a bit, then we went for our ritualistic boba tea at Tapioca Express. I picked up some things at the market then came home. Aric came home a little bit earlier than usual. He knows that I've been feeling down lately so he's trying extra hard to make more time for us. We fed and played with Ashlyn, then met Ed, Sue, Brian, and Grace for dinner at a chinese restaurant. Afterwards, we walked to Tapioca Express for boba tea and Snow Bubbles (yeah, that's twice in one day for me), then we hung out at Ed and Sue's and watched "American Pie II".

Pictures from tonight:

Aric, Brian, Ashlyn, Ed, Sue, and Grace

Ashlyn and Ed

Ashlyn and Ed

me, Grace, and Sue

Have a great weekend yo!

Looky...Ashlyn DOES have a neck!

Ashlyn's pics of the day